Glass breathing.

Some time ago I found an article that impressed me very much, that was long time ago, but this impression is still with me. This article was about love, very typical topic. But even due to this fact an article wasn’t typical, otherwise it was very exciting. And now I decided to translate it into English and I even gave it a title – “Glass breathing”. So now I am presenting you this little masterpiece and I hope you will enjoy reading.

I died 9 years ago. But I am writing to you not for telling you about my life here. I am about talking about my story, the story of a big love. And furthermore I would like to tell that love cannot die. Even if you are dead and even if you try to kill her and to make it die, it won’t die ever.

We met on the 31st of December. My wife and I were going to celebrate New Year with our old friends. My life had been so useless and good-for-nothing before she appeared that I was asking myself: “Why am I living? For doing my job? Yes, I like the work that I am dedicated to. For my family? I would like to have children, but unfortunately I don’t have them”. And now I understood that the sense of my life was just in waiting for the moment when we met. I don’t want to describe her. Like I cannot describe her in such way to make you understand how she looked like. Because each sign, each line of my letter was saturate with loving her and I was ready to give anything just for each eyelash and each tear that can fall from her sad eyes.

So that was the 31st of December. I understood that I am lost at once. If she came alone, I wouldn’t be shy because of my 3rd wife and would come to her just in the first minute of our meeting. But she wasn’t alone. My best friend was nearby her. They had known each other for a couple of weeks, but I had heard a lot of interesting things about her from him. And now I had seen her. When the chimes struck and everybody was crying toasts, I came to the window. I noticed that the window became misty with a help of my breathing and I wrote “I love you”. Then I stepped aside and my inscription disappeared immediately. Then we had a meal and toasts again and that’s why I came back to the window in an hour. I breathed a little and I saw a new inscription “I am yours”. My knees bent and the breathing had stopped for a while…

Love came only one time. And a person understood it right then. Everything that I had before was like a spangle and a load of rubbish. The list of these descriptions is very long. But my life had started that day, in New Year’s Eve, because I understood that she had the same feelings as me for the first time. I had noticed it when I looked in her eyes. On the 2nd day of January we moved to the hotel and were searching for our own small apartment. The idea of leaving some notes for each other began to be as a habit: I was writing to her “You are my dream” and she replied “Just don’t wake up!”

The most secret desires we were leaving on windows in a hotel, in cars, in houses of our friends, anywhere. We had been together for two months. Then I disappeared forever, I died. Now I am always coming to her only when she is sleeping. I am sitting on the edge of her bed and I am feeling her smell. I cannot cry, I don’t know how to do that. But I feel pain and it is not physical, it is pain of my soul. She is celebrating New Year alone during these 8 years. She is sitting near the window, she is pouring champagne to her wineglass and starts crying. And moreover I know that she continues writing to me some notes as usual. Every day. But I cannot read them because the window won’t become misty with a help of my breathing. Never again. Last time when she was celebrating New Year was unusual. I am not going to tell you the secrets of life beyond the grave, but I have gained one wish. I was dreaming to read her last inscription on the glass. And when she fell asleep, I was sitting nearby her and I was caressing her hair and I was kissing her hands. Then I came to the window. I knew that I would manage to read the note. And I had read it. She left only one phrase for me – “Let me go”.

This New Year will be the last one that she will celebrate alone. I have got a permission of my last wish for the agreement that I won’t ever come to her and won’t ever see her. This day when everybody will be celebrating and spending this magical time and the chimes clock struck in the midnight and everything will be filled with happiness and the whole Universe will stand motionless and will wait for the first inspiration of the New Year, she will pour champagne to her wineglass as usual and she will come to the window and will see the inscription “I am letting you go”…